That was his last message to me.
2 days later... he went away.
4 years later, I still regret this.
4 years later, today... I'm staring at my phone screen... wishing he'd call.
It's been four years and I still regret that I couldn't say a proper goodbye to my dad. Although I don't think a proper goodbye will take away my grief, but I wish I had picked up his phone call 4 years ago. I wish I had said hello, or goodbye or I love you, or you know... just ANYTHING, any words, any sentence to him. Or maybe... I don't need to say any words. My words don't matter anyway. Maybe all I need is a chance to hear his voice before he went away. I'd give anything to hear his voice. Any words, any sentence from him. ANYTHING from him.
He just wanted to talk.
I just needed to pick up his phone call.
I need him gone, to realize...
that all I had to do was JUST to pick up my phone.
Like... seriously... that's all I had to do.
"내가 전화만 받았어도....
아빠가 아마 살수있어도돼.
아빠가 자꾸 전화하니까....
아빠가 자꾸 전화했어....
난 자쯩나서....
"여보세요" 그한마디만 돼는데."
그래서 전화 안받았어.
전화 받았으면돼는데....
I have a secret.
February 14, 2017
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